Holiday Weekend

I have spent this holiday weekend with my nose buried in books. Primarily my philosophy text book.
While I'm not anti philosophy, I think that I could have enjoyed this class more with a different format.

I'm certainly not organized enough to be told ... no homework from day to day, but a portfolio at the end of the semester. EEEKS!!

The first weekend was ... ah ..I'll write those chapter reviews in a bit, they're only 3 pages each, I can write 3 pages in no time.
Then the second weekend went by ...and the third ..and the 4th ...out of an 8 week class I went into this weekend having exactly ONE summary written
Needed?
12 Chapter Summaries
2 Video (documentary) Summaries
4 Special section Summaries

That's 18 reviews ... at 3 pages each. GULP!

So, now I'm down to 12 .. it would be 13 except that I wrote one last night, a difficult one ... took me two hours (out of character for me to take 2 hours to write a 3 page paper) Got on the computer to check something out ..and realized ...that one that I'd just spent 2 hours on was the ONE I'd already written. UGH!!

Thankfully, it isn't due until December 11th, so if I keep plugging away a chapter or two a day I'll have no problem getting them done.

Now I need to focus on the Presentation I have to give in Personality Theories on Tuesday ... and the Speech I have to give on Thursday. Both ..about 8 minutes long ...ugh.

I woke up at 3 am this morning realizing I'd not done my biology report ...last thing due for the class ...and it's due tomorrow. So the first 3 hours I was working today was dedicated to Biology.

The end of semester always seems to snowball on me! This time, it's in part to my own poor managment.
If only all those people who see me as super organized could see the mess I'm in. THIS is why I'm usually hyper organized!

Surviving Suicide

Saturday was Suicide Survivor Awareness Day ... I tried to post this then, but my interenet crashed everytime I opened this blog.
When I was 14 my step father took his own life. My Daddy was my world, my security, my friend and my foundation. I don't think he knew that. I think he thought he was useless and a burden to those around him. (I know he thought that, his note said that everyone would be better off without him. How very very wrong he was!)

When 20 years was approaching, I wrote the following poem to him. Finally acknowleging that there was a bit of anger mixed in with love and the terrible ache in my heart.

ARGH! I can't copy/paste it and it's too long to retype ...so here is the link to it.
http://postpoems.com/cgi-bin/displaypoem.cgi?pid=416018

It's Monday ... lecture today was blissfully short. This afternoon, appt with my therapist. Why I'm not looking forward to that is anyone's guess. (ok, so I've not done 1 single thing we discussed last week for homework ...in fact ... I'd have to go digging to find out what I was supposed to work on ...add to that, a significant amount of skipping meals ... who knows why?)

My mood today is less than stellar. Today would have been, had I not gotten divorced, my 25th anniversary. Now, hubby's and my 22nd anniversary is just a week or so away (December 2). I don't regret the first marriage, I hold nothing but fond memories of my relationship with him, I respect him and am even grateful that he made the choice to end the marriage as soon as it began (4 months later ..dated for 4.5 months, married for 4.5 months and separated before divorce for 4 months). So why is this bugging me today??? ARGH!

I've let myself get periously behind in my Philosophy class ... a portfolio due at the end of the semester is a bit too unstructured for me! I put off writing the chapter summaries ...after all, it's just 3 pages ...until it's snowballed into 12 chapter reviews, 2 movie reviews and 4 supplemental summaries ...and at 3 pages each ...that means I've got 18 summaries due .. at 3 pages each!

I'm also struggling to understand what I'm needing to do with this 10 page paper for Personality Theories. Developing my own personality theory ...it seems to me to be graduate level work ... alas .. I have to do it anyway and I've not gotten a clue of what's expected of me!
We've told the professor we don't 'get' what he's looking for and his response has been that when he did it he had to give a 40 page paper so we should feel lucky. (the fact that he did it as a graduate student not an undergrad is totally lost on him)

Biology is done. 1 more assignment that is done, just needs to be typed up ...and study for the final (non cumulative) and that's it! :( I've loved this class. Going to miss it!

Need to write speech too ...that's due December 3rd. 8 minute persuasive speech. ... fun stuff for an introvert.

Fridays

It's friday ... but not the beginning of the weekend for me. I've got a class from 6 to 9 tonight and from 9 to 12 tomorrow ...then I get 47 hours before my next class.

Tonight and tomorrow morning is my philosophy class. While it is far more interesting than I thought (and not nearly as hard on my blood pressure as I'd expected!) it is a difficult class.

It's amazing how much professors can change the educational process.

My psych professor drives me nuts.

My Biology professor I love and she's gone very quickly to the top of my all time favorite teachers ...beating out my high school favorite teach ..just under my Developmental & Social Psych professor (whom I liked so much I not only took those two classes from her ..but will take a Women's Studies class from her next semester) and my 7th grade math teacher who will always take that top spot!

My speech professor is awesome. I will, however, be glad when I'm done with her class. Grateful I took hers, but so glad it's almost over. This may have more to do with the subject matter than the professor teaching. ;o)

Back to Philosophy ... my instructor is very intelligent ...as she likes to remind us 2 or 3 times per class ... and she has 3 doctorate degrees ... and going for her 4th. She reminds us each and every class period ..at least once, if not more ...that she has a doctorate in languages (therefore the language barrier that we are, as her students, eperiencing doesn't really exist. It is impossible that we do not understand what she is asking of us ...because she has her doctorate in languages. Alrighty then!
We also must be learning a great deal because one of her doctorates is in education and the other in philosophy ...so we have to be learning a lot ....right?

The most frustrating aspect is her behavior ... extremely hyperactive ... way over the top. I made jokes about it being manic. I thought I was joking ...till last weekend when she came into class and was so very depressed she was sucking the energy out of the room. (so ...she's either over the top sucking my energy because being with her is exhausting ... or so depressed you can't hardly move because there is no energy left ...)

I'm glad that there are only 4 classes left with her. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Tomorrow, my 45th birthday will begin with my energy being zapped by this woman.

So glad hubby and I went to see Romeo and Juliet last night for a birthday celebration.

Contemplations

First and foremost ... I got my H1N1 vaccine today. I have already had the flu, but since they didn't test to see if it was seasonal or H1N1 type, they wanted me to get it anyway.
In the past, they've said no vaccines ... they would be moot point with immunosuppressant therapy. (and when they said that, this needle phobic patient decided she liked that decision!)
But, with h1n1 being so risky to chronically ill people ... it just wasn't worth the risk to not do it. Even if it's non effective, it has more of a chance of working in my system than in the syringe.

I went to my bio lab today. We went on a field trip to the park and walked quite a distance on uneven ground. I'm so tired, my muscles are worn out ... it is days like these that I wonder: is it truly possible for me to get off of disability even if I get a degree?

Then I have days that I feel I have no choice. This drive I have to help families is not going to go away unless I actually do get my degree and try it.

I love my biology class, but I have to say, the lab section of this class, will not be missed.

Now, if I can just finish all the assignments I have for speech, Philosophy, and get the paper written and project completed for Personality Theories, I will be just fine. (have one paper, 1 quiz left in Biology, no problem. Paper is due at midnight tonight, quiz on Friday ..then nothin but final!)

I guess, I can breathe again on December 11 ... till then, back to the books!

Hi

I'm a psychology student. I am fairly early in my journey. I've got 41 credits ... toward my BS degree. The end of this semester I'll have 54 credits.

This semester I'm taking Speech, Biology for Non Majors, Intro to Philosophy and Personality Theories.
My biology and speech profs are very good. My Intro to Phil prof is a bit strange, but my personality theories prof is ...UGH!

What is the world coming to when I like Biology and Speech more than Personality Theories.

Hopefully, I will actually use this experience to blog ..and not just have a blog sitting in space forever.